Most people who try to lose weight are not as successful as they envision. Many of them try the same approaches over and over again, without success. What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

Recent studies have found that overweight people blame a character flaw within themselves for not losing weight, but think that daily life events and pressures are keeping them from doing the things they should to lose weight. At the same time, they keep looking for the technological advance or new “best” program that will be the answer. Most weight loss programs seem to have a rigid, all or nothing philosophy that is very difficult to stick to in real life, and which causes a great deal of self-blaming when failure occurs.

Here are 3 steps to change your thought processes and allow you to take a different and more successful approach to weight loss:

1. Reject the prevailing all or nothing philosophy that too often leads to nothing
2. Recognize that you cannot go it alone; seek effective resources to help you
3. Create a healthy vision for yourself, and establish goals to achieve that future vision

Step 1: Reject all or nothing approaches

Studies show that people with a greater sense of dietary restraint (the ability to consciously control food intake) are more likely to lose weight than those who tend to overeat more frequently, eat fast, and give a higher rating to their perceived hunger. Makes sense. Some researchers believe that strict diets make people more likely to lose control of their eating, leading to more overeating episodes and self-blame. They suggest a system called flexible control, in which you make healthy choices 80% of the time, and leave 20% open for intentional treats and unintended slips. The keys are to give yourself guilt-free permission to have some controlled treats as part of the weight loss program and to have a plan for recovery from slip ups that includes letting go of the slip and not beating yourself about it. Just move on.

Step 2: Seek help from yourself and others

First, restructure your own self-image and self-talk to be more positive and supporting. Praise yourself for small victories, look on the bright side, learn from failures and move on.

Second, develop a supportive network. Divide the people you know into 3 categories: supporters, indifferents, and saboteurs. Try to spend more time with supporters, who will help you achieve your goal. Indifferents won’t help or hurt, so you can be indifferent as to whether you spend time with them or not. Saboteurs will hurt your efforts, so you must minimize time spent with those who are not close friends or family, and you must develop a plan to deal with those who are close to you, since you have to spend time with them.

Third, seek professional help as needed. It may be a Dietitian or personal trainer, or it may be a psychologist or social worker. Identify what your needs are and find the right person to help meet them.

Step 3: Develop a compelling and meaningful vision for yourself that includes your health

Describe who you want to be in the future and how you want to feel. Then you must figure out how you will grow into this vision. Set SMART goals to get there a step at a time. SMART means specific, measurable, achievable, rewarding, and time-based. It is important to do this well, since the vision is a long-range process and you have to see progress on the way or you begin to lose faith and interest. One of my favorite song lyrics is from Harry Chapin, who says “It’s got to be the going, not the getting there, that’s good.”

Try out this new way of looking at weight loss. Chances are you have nothing to lose – except weight.

A growing number of scientists are studying willpower, using new brain-mapping technology and other tools to understand it better. And it’s no wonder why, since it is estimated that 40% of all deaths are attributable to poor self-regulation. Here are some of their thoughts, many of which are not yet accepted as truth, but are based on emerging research. This was taken from the 3/5/12 Time Magazine article “Getting to No, the science of building willpower.”

• Willpower is like muscle, in that you can strengthen it by using it more, but you can also overdo it, which weakens it.
• Willpower can be consciously developed and trained.
• Nature and nurture both play a role in willpower. There may be a gene for impulsiveness, since it seems to have some hereditary component. But your environment is also important. Studies show that in dangerous neighborhoods, where people don’t expect to live very long, they grab what they can when they can. There is no sense in delaying pleasure when life is so short.
• The brain needs fuel to function, specifically glucose, and some studies show that willpower rises and falls with glucose levels. This lends credence to the weight control theory of eating  many small meals during the day.
• Cravings seem to be best resisted not by sheer willpower, which can make them worse, but by accepting them, then breathing deeply or using some other technique to relax. When I want another glass of wine after dinner, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it never tastes as good after dinner as it does during.
• Knowing that cravings will come, you can use your higher brain beforehand to plan how to deal with them when they show up.
• One such helpful technique is to envision the future self you want to become, which requires not giving in to cravings.
• Another is realistic goal setting – if you don’t have time in a day to go the gym and workout for an hour, then settle for a walk in half the time. Its still progress.

Like building muscle, building willpower may not be the most fun you have and it may make you sore in the short term, but it does have a long term reward.